I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
