There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
