hotel room ftw
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
