do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
