i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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