Yo dont text me then not text me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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