So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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