i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
