gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
