i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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