This girl is more easily done than said...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
