the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
