hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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