I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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