Can i not drive my cunt home
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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