Non-Jews are for practice
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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