what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
