I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
