I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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