fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
