he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize