Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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