More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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