I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
