I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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