I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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