Welp...herpes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
