What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
