Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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