they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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