Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
