Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
