I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
