My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
