i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
