Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
