I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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