I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
