clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
