My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Panties = found
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
