just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
