im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
