I wish I could punch you in the face.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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