if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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