That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
