I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
