Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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