Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
