apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
