Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
