I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
