NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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