He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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