Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
