forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
