Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
