im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
