I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me I should be a condom model.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
