What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and she was petting her beer can
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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