I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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